Struggles with Davening-Prayer

My struggles with Prayer

I struggle
Fight
To pray
With all my might

I want to
Talk to you
I love you
Oh so

So why
I cry
Can’t I?

I got to know you
G-d
Oh so young

You were there
You are here
Everywhere
All da time

I just wana talk
Without the book
I want
To pour out my heart
When I loose hope

I want to feel you
In my life
Father
In times of Terror
Confusion
And tremor

I want to tell you
That I just
Struggle with the book
The words seem to blur
Oh it muffles the hurt

You see
To talk is no challenge
For me
Yet to read
Is something
That is hard
You see

Since I was told
‘You have learning disabilities’
I knew that reading
Would never be easy

People speak
Judge
Send arrows
At me
They reason
Criticize
And shame me

I don’t pray with them
In their shul (synagogue)
Where they judge
Me for my lack
For not having my head
In the book my Siddur’l
When I should

They don’t know
My frustrations
My challenge
My determination

G-d,
Please take my prayers
Though not always
As sophisticated
They come from my heart
They are embedded in my soul

G-d
I love you so
You are my father
Forever and ever
Peace.

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